Anger Fear Grief
Last month we reviewed the relationship between thought and belief, and this month, it being October and all, I chose to write about some scary emotions, Anger, Fear, and Grief. Stresstemper, I mean September is a very challenging month for me partly due to the many obligations of the new school year and the change of the lazy summer routine to the hyper busy fall schedule. Throw in a few milestone birthdays and a hectic work schedule, some health issues, the trials and tribulations of raising our brood, an unexpected tragic death in the family and voila- a plethora of opportunities to experience first hand a gamut of emotions. I was musing on the experiences of feeling Anger, Fear and Grief- comparing and contrasting- if you will.
My epiphany was that of these three emotions, Anger is by far the easiest to carry. Fear comes in second, and Grief is the most difficult to deal with. So let's talk a little bit about these emotions.
Anger- a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; wrath. We experience anger when we feel that we, or a loved one has been or is under the threat of being wronged or treated unjustly. So, for example, if we feel we have been disrespected, whether or not this is accurate, we may respond by feeling angry. Anger can develop from unresolved hurt or disappointment or even fear. Anger manifests in many different ways depending upon who is experiencing it and the cause. When experiencing anger our nerves are "up" as my good friend likes to say. We want to restore tranquility so we often feel we need to take an action in an attempt to return to our normal state of being. For example, all of our friends were invited to a gathering, and we were not. First we might feel disappointed and then it morphs into anger. Now we are hosting a party and we can take the action not to invite the person who did not include us. For some people, this little bit of perceived justice brings a sense of relief, and they can then move on. Another example- we wake up to a dog mess on the carpet. We are disappointed for many reasons and respond by yelling at the dog, blaming the person who did not have the foresight to predict this and put the dog outside, but then we can take an action and clean up the mess. The key with anger is that we can usually take some form of action to resolve and restore. There is hope for improvement.
Fear- a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. We can experience fear when the outcome of a certain circumstance is unknown. A common fear with children is being afraid of the dark. They do not know what lies under the bed. A common fear of parents of teenagers arises when those "kids" are out, and it is late, and there has not been any recent communication. Or fear that a loved one is losing interest. Fear is an unpleasant emotion which can manifest in many ways- increased heartbeat, flushed face, dizziness, similar to anger, but usually without the added feeling of empowerment that oftentimes accompanies anger. When we are fearful, we are uncertain. There is still hope of a pleasing outcome, but we just do not know. We worry. We think and ruminate and attempt to come up with solutions to the real or perceived problem. We might start contacting friends of the teenager who is out so as to confirm their whereabouts and wellbeing. We might confront our loved one to clarify the relationship and either substantiate or dismiss the fear. We can still take action, but with fear, we do not have as much control regarding the resolution of our actions taken to resolve the situation. If we are angry we can take revenge with a certain amount of confidence regarding the outcome of our action. We can clean up the carpet mess. With fear, we can act, but we do not know that our action will resolve our fear. Back to the example of the teenager who is out late, we can contact their friends, but we have no control over what we might find out but there is still hope.
Grief- keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. We feel grief after an unpleasant situation has occurred. I forget who I was discussing this with, but their sage comment was that the reason grief is the most difficult emotion to deal with is because it is generally a reaction to a final event. Like death. There is no do over. No turning back. It is done, and it is final and the survivors have no choice other than to process it and deal with it and move forward. The egg cannot be uncooked. There is no action we can take, and there is no hope. We are powerless and must surrender, and this is not an easy thing to do for most of us. But, because I hate to depart on a down note, when we process our grief, we do learn and grow. We don't gain these benefits as a result of anger or fear, so each emotion has its place in the grand scheme.
I had to cheat and swipe a recipe from: http://www.epicurious.com
Pumpkin Bread Pudding with Spicy Caramel Apple Sauce
Unsalted butter, for the pan
8 cups 1/2-inch cubed Pumpkin Bread or other bread
2 cups heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
1 vanilla bean, split and seeds scraped
6 large egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
3 tablespoons pure maple syrup
1 cup canned pumpkin puree, not flavored pie filling
2 tablespoons bourbon
Freshly whipped cream, for serving
1. Preheat the oven to 325°F. Butter a 10-inch glass baking dish.
2. Spread the bread cubes on a large baking sheet and bake in the oven, turning once, until lightly toasted, about 15 minutes. Let cool.
3. Combine the cream, milk, and vanilla bean and seeds in a small saucepan over medium heat and bring to a simmer.
4. Whisk together the yolks, sugar, maple syrup, and pumpkin puree in a large bowl. Slowly whisk in the hot cream mixture until combined. Discard the vanilla bean and whisk in the bourbon.
5. Scatter the pumpkin bread cubes in the prepared baking dish. Pour the custard over the bread, pressing down on the bread to totally submerge it in the custard. Let sit for 15 minutes to allow the bread to soak up some of the custard.
6. Place the dish in a larger roasting pan and pour hot water into the roasting pan until it comes halfway up the sides of the glass dish. Bake until the sides are slightly puffed and the center jiggles slightly, about 1 hour. Remove from the oven and the water bath and cool on a wire rack for at least 30 minutes before serving.
7. Serve the warm bread pudding topped with whipped cream and drizzled with spicy caramel apple sauce . Sprinkle with pumpkin seeds if desired.
Caramel Apple Sauce
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup apple juice
1 star anise
1 (1-inch) piece fresh ginger, peeled and chopped
2 cinnamon sticks
1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon apple schnapps
1. Combine the cream, apple juice, star anise, ginger, cloves, cinnamon sticks, and nutmeg in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer. Remove from the heat and let steep for at least 20 minutes. Strain the mixture into a clean small saucepan and place back over low heat while you make the caramel.
2. Combine the sugar, 1/2 cup water, and the vinegar in a medium saucepan over high heat and cook without stirring until a deep amber color, 8 to 10 minutes. Slowly and carefully whisk in the warm cream mixture a little at a time, and continue whisking until smooth. Add the apple schnapps and cook for 30 seconds longer. Transfer to a bowl and keep warm. The sauce can be made 2 days in advance and refrigerated. Reheat over low heat before serving.
*** Yogi- I promise to get these added to the recipe section at some point in time. ***
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? White Pillowcases
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.
What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch.
What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash!
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern? A plumpkin.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.
Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What did the mummy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook until you're spoken to.
What did the mummy say to the detective? Lets wrap this case up.
What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He got repossessed.
What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball.
What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o.
How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire? So long, sucker!
What do you give to a pumpkin trying to quit smoking? A pumpkin patch.
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
How are vampires like false teeth? They both come out at night.
What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Veinilla.
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite.
Who are some of the werewolves cousins? The whatwolves, the whowolves, and the whenwolves.
Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.
Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? Pumpkin Pi.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Why don't angry witches ride their brooms? They're afraid of flying off the handle.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
check out today's front page all around the world!
On Halloween, parents send their kids out looking like me. [And, if so, no wonder he never got any respect!] ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat . . . no thank you." ~ Rita Rudner
This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. ~ Conan O'Brien
I dressed up as a veterinarian for a Halloween costume party. I had a lab coat. And I got a couple of stuffed animals for patients and put bandages on them. ~ Tracy Chapman
Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. ~ Steve Almond
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ~ Erma Bombeck
Demons are a ghoul's best friend. ~ Anon
Being in a band you can wear whatever you want--it's like an excuse for Halloween everyday. ~ Gwen Stefani
Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. ~ River Phoenix
Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. ~ Lindsay Lohan
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?
Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.
A few days after Halloween, Sally came home with a bad report card. Her mother asked why her grades were so low.
Sally answered, "Because everything is marked down after holidays!"
There was a haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which 'lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost "I mean no harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach
and runs away from the ball.
How do you know you are too old to trick or treat?
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "What a scary mask!" but you're not wearing a mask!
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
and last but not least...
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
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