Acronyms - AYSO VIP

The heat has subsided. The leaves are turning, and the holidays are beckoning. In keeping with Thanksgiving, I decided to dedicate this month's Muse to the AYSO VIP program. What's that you say? As most of you know AYSO stands for American Youth Soccer Organization and VIP stands for Very Important Person or "Player" if you prefer. How do they work together? Allow me to explain, and you will see why I am thankful for it.

Our first experience with AYSO was when Soccer Boy was in Second Grade and had a bundle of energy. He seemed to be a natural for Baseball, but the rigorous practice/game schedule was not for me with three other children in tow, so we decided to go with a more manageable and affordable sport- AYSO. Course I signed up to be the team mom and make the banner. We had a great coach who really inspired my son. I think Soccer Boy might have scored the most goals in his division that year as no one could catch him, and he had a good shot. Coach and I muddled through picture day and team parties etc., Soccer Boy was awarded the presteigious Les Friedman Award. It was hard to come down from that.

We continued on and even convinced Computer Boy to give it a try the next year. We had another fabulous coach who motivated the boys with Pokemon Cards at practice. It certainly was not Computer Boy's forte. I'll never forget coach Kathy's frantic voice, "Hey!!!!!!!!!! It's only MUUUUUUUUDDD!!!" Computer Boy finished the season and never came back to play.

Hubby was an avid spectator of Soccer Boy's games. He missed very few, and I noticed a growing intensity to his sideline directions to our son. Since he was so knowledgeable about this game, and obviously had a passion for it, I suggested that he might like to become a referee. If only I could backtrack and change that suggestion to "coach". Then at least he could continue to see their games instead of having to ref other games! Hubby doesn't do things half way, and he has become one of the most highly certified refs in the region. He refs about 5 games each weekend and is on the field from 7 AM until 5 PM each Saturday. There isn't time or energy for anything else. Except for helping to set up the goals first thing in the morning, and enrolling our kids to assist in the VIP program.

I admit it, my first selfish thought was weren't we giving enough time and effort to this organization by all of that reffing, team momming, double banner making snack preparing and goal setting up? Hubby even recruited Computer Boy ( who really detests the sport) to set up the goals as he is so mechanical. Why did we now have to devote yet more time to the VIP program? I didn't know that much about it, only that I really had a lot of respect for the lady who ran it. She is an Earth Angel for sure. She works full time as a special Education P.E. teacher and is a full time mom, but still manages to devote plenty of time to others. If hubby and Computer Boy could help her to set up the goals for this VIP program, I wasn't going to step in the way. So that's how it began.

Soccer Boy then got involved and mentored several of the special needs kids. He was a favorite as he has a gift to motivate and inspire people to do their best. He was glad to participate when available. This year, hubby decided to enroll all four of our kids in the program. One Saturday hubby had taken Computer Boy, Buddha Boy and Princess to mentor the special needs kids. We decided to let Soccer Boy sleep in as he had a big rowdy game to play later in the day. I had to go to the park and pick up Princess as she had a game to play, and the plan was that Soccer Boy could fill in for the rest of her shift. I had no idea what I was in for.

I went to the park and found Princess expertly instructing a little boy with Down's Syndrome how to properly execute a throw in. Over and over she instructed him how to hold the ball, aim for the cone, and throw! The little boy seemed to be mesermized by her and tried his best to do everything according to her instructions. It was so beautiful. Talk about a perfect student! It was just about snack time when I got there, and I could see the dissappointment on his little face when Princess told him she had to go. He must have said "goodbye" about nine times. We tried to ease the pain by telling him that he was getting Soccer Boy for the rest of the practice.

Buddha Boy was working in a different area with a young adult who towered over him, but was very cooperative. Buddha Boy mentioned later in the day, that during the VIP practice, the adult monitor came up to him and said in a voice like one uses with really little kids, "You're doing a great job today!" Buddha boy was quick to inform the monitor that he was not the VIP player, but rather, the helper! It was quite an experience for him. I told him to remember it well for college entrance essay material.

Computer Boy was assigned the older boy with Ausberger's syndrome wo really didn't want to be there at all. He was prone to outbursts and had to watched carefully at all times. He seemed to bond well with Computer Boy, and was interested to meet Soccer Boy as well. I saw his mother personally thank my son for spending time with her special needs son.

It dawned on me then how truly blessed I was to have four happy healthy kids and a wonderful husband who were at the park on that sunny morning giving their time and energy to give the parents of these special needs kids the joy of having their child participate in an organized sport. I saw the parents go up to my children and shake their hands and thank them. I was teary eyed all day after that.These folks would trade places with me in a heartbeat and never grumble about not having enough leisure time or having to pick and cut oranges.

I am so glad hubby, that civic minded man, insisted that they participate. Everyone wins, the volunteer kids learn to give back to the community while earning their Community Service Hours, the parents of the VIP players get a brief break, their kids get to enjoy the California sunshine and get some exercise, and I get to feel proud. To learn more about this organization please click here:

No Thanksgiving Dinner

Tis the night before Thanksgiving and all through our house
No turkey is baking; I feel like a louse,
For I am all nestled, so snug in my bed;
I’m not gettin’ up and I’m not bakin’ bread.

No pies in my oven, no cranberry sauce
Cuz I give the orders, and I am the boss.
When out in the kitchen, there arose such a clatter
I almost got up to see what was the matter.

As I drew in my head and was tossing around
To the bed came my husband, he grimaced, he frowned.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He scared me to death and I thought, “Here he goes!”

He spoke not a word as he threw back my quilt
And the look that he gave was intended to wilt.
So up to the ceiling my pillows he threw
I knew I had had it, his face had turned blue.

“You prancer, you dodger, you’re lazy, you vixen
Out yonder in kitchen, Thanksgiving you’re fixin.”
But he heard me explain, with my face in a pout:
"I'm just plain too tired and we're eating out!"

Contributed by: Mariane Holbrook


Top Ten Signs You've Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving Dinner

(from David Letterman's Top Ten Lists)

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.

9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.

7. Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.

6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

5. World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"

4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

1. You're sweatin' gravy.


The Top 15 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed Movies

15. To Kill A Walking Bird

14. My Best Friend's Dressing

13. Thighs Wide Shut

12. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre

11. Casserolablanca

10. The Fabulous Baster Boys

9. 12 Hungry Men

8. Silence of the Yams

7. For Love of The Game Hen

6. I Know What You Ate Last Winter

5. All the President's Menu

4. White Meat Can't Jump

3. When Harry Met Salad

2. The Story of U.S.

and the Number 1 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed Movie...

1. The Wing and I


Ode to Thanksgiving

To our national birds
The American Eagle
The Thanksgiving Turkey
May one give us peace in all our states
And the other a piece for all our plates


The Turkey Popped Out of the Oven
written by Jack Prelutsky

The Turkey popped out of the oven
and rocketed in to the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there had never been turkey before..
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scraped with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I would never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

November 5, 2007
Next Post date: December 3, 2007
HAPPY Thanksgiving!

And- doesn't anyone know a J. Davis who lost an iPod? Email Jewel if you do. See the July 07 archive.



New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'


Click on the picture to view this month's mystery feature.

Click here to download the QuickTime Player if you don't have it. Remember, if you have dial up, the movie will take a few minutes to load!


Email your comments, good, bad, or ugly

Just a little history.

Archive of past issues.

View a Virtual kaleidoscope!

Make freaky animals!

Take a personality test based on your color preferences.

MTW stands for Morty's Twisted World. Visit him he's hilarious!

Free recipe of the month tested in my own kitchen.

Quotes, articles, jokes, funny pictures. Very clever.

Slash your grocery costs in half like I did!

Just a guy having fun on the web. Read his rambles!

My collection of money saving links.