Playing Cupid

With Valentine's Day right around the bend, I decided to have a bit of fun and play "Cupid." Allow me to introduce the players:

Juliet: a most alluring 28 year old lady with raven hair, porcelain skin, exoctic green eyes and hour glass figure. And that's just on the outside! She is even more beautiful on the inside.And how might I know this? She has been our baby sitter/ house sitter/ dear friend/ would be adopted eldest daughter if we could, for the past 10 years. I met her by the grace of God right after we had moved into our palace. My princess was but a year old, and I was out alone ferociously Christmas shopping for hours, while my hubby manned the fort. My last stop was at a nearby music store to purchase some CD's for him. I was coming down with an awful flu, and it was starting to rain, and this was my last stop. As I was paying for the CD's, I mumbled half to myself, "boy, I hope everyone is doing okay at home..." and Juliet said, "Oh, how many kids do you have?" As usual, at the slightest prompting, I am always ready to whip out the wallet photos of my delectable darlings, and did so in a diddy! Juliet, of course, remarked that they were indeed darling, and added that I should take her number in the event that I might ever be in need of a babysitter. And so I did. In fact, as I became deathly ill, I had to call upon her the very next week. It was the beginning of a wonderful relationship. Not only did she bond with the children instantly, but also our animals, and we usually have somewhere between six and twelve creatures at any given moment, and Juliet has always been willing to care for them in our absence. She was a teeny bopper back then, but that was nearly nine years ago, and she has blossomed into a lovely young woman (but she still looks like a teeny bopper!) In any event, somehow she has managed to stay unmarried. Perhaps all of that Friday night baby sitting precluded her from meeting Mr. Right. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she was never in lack of dates, but that the relationships she was in just never became permanent. Working two jobs while going to school didn't seem to be helping the situation. Anyway, that's her story.

Romeo: Well, to be honest, I don't really know Romeo as well as Juliet, but here is what I know. He came highly recommended as a much needed math tutor. Soccer boy was having terrible trouble with Algebra in Eighth grade. My usual prompting him to open up his textbook and work the odd problems (for which there were answers in the back of the book) following the step by step examples - or better yet- actually listening to his twin brother, who "got it" was failing miserably. I banished him to the dining room, not to come out until he at least tried to take my recommendation. This only resulted in a distraught boy who refused to try. After an hour of him moaning that he needed a tutor, that everyone else in the Eighth grade had a tutor, and then burying his head in his arms for over an hour convinced me that he indeed needed a tutor. I tried to get him included in a study session with his buddy and his tutor. that didn't pan out as that tutor just wanted to talk about money, and didn't seem intent on tutoring. I remembered that one of my daughter's friend's moms had recommended Romeo. All she told me was that he was her friend's son, was a drummer in a band, and had wild hair. I called her, she gave me his number, I called him, and got this response, "I can be there by four, and I will stay until he gets it." I threw in dinner, and the deal was sealed. Soccer boy lifted his head, and I heard open discussion occuring in the dining room. Next day, soccer boy came home with an "A" on the test. Romeo was hired for the duration of the year and ended up tutoring all three boys with great success. He always arrived on time, and was very pleasant, not to mention patient and kind.

I thought about Juliet, and her love of music, and Romeo being a drummer in a band....... I thought of how they were both so kind to my kids and to me.......They are both darling, and besides, our dog liked both of them, and she;s pretty smart. I asked Juliet to just pop by one time while Romeo was tutoring, but she was somewhat involved with a man from Japan, and just wasn't ready at that point in time to meet anyone. Perhaps it was the fact that her first love was also a musician in a band, who did extensive traveling, and she just didn't want to go down that road again. Oh well!

Summer came and Romeo went on tour, and the boys were able to handle their math come the following school year. We didn't see much of Romeo anymore, but of course we saw plenty of Juliet. She had a new man, but he turned out not to be the one after over a year of dating. I was befuddled by the fact that someone so lovely was not meeting Mr. Wonderful. After all, she worked in two restaurants, went to college, worked out at the gym.... Shouldn't this be adequate exposure? She commented that everyone she worked with was too young, and most of the guys eating in the restaurants were too old. It just wasn't happening.

I could relate to her situation as I felt like I was single forever before meeting my husband. I was also working in a restaurant and going to school and not meeting anyone! I was even thin and tan then with nice clothes and money. Just single and sad about it. I did have a lot of good friends at the restaurant, though. One of them would often chuckle at my silly remarks and say, "Oh! Tom would have loved that! You have to meet him! You two would be perfect for each other!" This went on and on. At that point in time, I was convinced that I was destined to be a spinster and that there was NO ONE in this world, or at least on this continent, that was suitable for me. She told me that she had gone to high school with this Tom dude, and had known him for years, and that he was just a GREAT guy. I asked her why he was available if he was so great. But then I had to take that back in a hurry, because wasn't I single too? I kept waffling back and forth, okay to give him my number, no wait, well maybe - didn't she have any sort of a photo to show me? She refused to bring in her high school yearbook as she didn't want me to have any preconceptions. Better to meet in person. Well, after about seven months of this, and I still hadn't met anyone on my own, I figured what the hell. I could handle a bad date. She gave him my number, we played phone tag, finally talked for over an hour the first call, and ended up in wedded bliss, with four munchkins to prove it! I shudder to think what could have been had I not dared to go on the blind date! I might have lived a life of spinsterhood, or married someone who wasn't my husband! No no no. It had to be. We were meant to be. We just needed a little help meeting, that's all.

So I am attempting to return the cosmic favor. I happened to be working out at the gym when I thought I saw Romeo. Of course it wasn't him, but it made him come to mind. I thought about Juliet again, as we run into each other at the gym on occassion.Now being "Cupid" requires a bit more technical skill. Hmmmmmm........ I knew I could find Romeo on line as I knew he had a web site being in a band and all. I told Juliet that I might forward her the web site just for fun. I googled him and found his www.myspace.com page. Just about anyone under 30 has a page. They are free websites where you can put in photos, blogs, email etc. It's all the rage, and I have had to attend school seminars about the pros and cons of kids having a page like this. Sometimes bad people abuse these sites yadda yadda yadda. Well, I had to set up a profile just to be able to contact Romeo. I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea, as I want to be hip enough to preview the pages in case my kids do ever decide to make a profile, and I can look at their friends' profiles, in fact some of their teachers even have profiles which they use to exchange information. 'nuff said. I forwarded Romeo's profile to Juliet, who also has a profile, which I forwarded to Romeo. I shocked the poor guy by emailing his profile out of the blue after all of this time. I am sure he thinks I am lu lu. But he replied that if I was willing to go to the trouble of setting up a myspace profile just to send him this message, the least he could do was send Juliet a message. After all, he was single, and what could it hurt? Juliet told me she did indeed get a message, and that Romeo seems nice, and then she kept mum!!!!!!!!!!!! I want details! What fun is it shooting darts if I don't know if i've hit the target? So who knows. Maybe they will chat in cyberspace for seven months. At least they got to see pictures. But I have to say, neither of their photos do them justice. They are both way superior in person than their cyberspace representations. But if it does pan out, I will be glad that I was lu lu enough to take a chance at being thought to be a meddlesome drama mamma. I am a destiny diva who firmly believes that everything has a time and a place whether or not it makes any sense at the time. I'm not giving up on Romeo and Juliet. I'll keep you posted of any further developments.

Dictionary of dating
DATING:
The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY:
A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT:
A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND:
A member of the opposite sex who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE
A woman's feeling toward a man that is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT:
What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC:
A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER
A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION:
The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT:
What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY:
How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

***

Valentine's Day Oneliners
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!
What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?

A stupid cupid!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

It was Valenswine's Day!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

Sure, they're very scent-imental!
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?

"I'm sweet on you!"
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?

"I find you very attractive."
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?

A hug and a quiche!
What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?

Desperate!
What did one pickle say to the other?

"You mean a great dill to me."
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?

"I love you a ton!"
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?

"You're fun to hang around with."
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?

He fell in love with a pincushion!
What did the pencil say to the paper?

"I dot my i's on you!"
Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?

She didn't suit his taste!
Buy Valentines Day Lingerie Online
Why do valentines have hearts on them?

Because spleens would look pretty gross!
Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?

Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!
Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?

Because you always heart the one you love!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like a great big kiss?
What did one light bulb say to the other?

"I love you a whole watt!"

***

Little candy heart messages you wouldn't want to receive.

1. HARD UP
2. TOO TINY
3. NYET = NYET
4. SHOO
5. U SMELL
6. ART DORK
7. DIE ALONE
8. NO PUBES
9. KISS OFF
10. AMSCRAY
11. ICKY BOD
12. CALL 911
13. KILL PREZ
14. IT'S OVER
15. 1000x NO
16. SHOVE IT
17. RUG BURNS
18. DUMB ASS
19. R-U NUTS
20. BITE MOI
21. CAMEL TOES
22. YOU OAF
23. NO BALLS
24. ELECT ME
25. BIG BORE
26. HELL BOY
27. BROKE HIP
28. URA ZERO
29. BUTT OUT
30. LIKE HELL
31. TESH TOY
32. GOT FLAN
33. I'LL MACE
34. GET REAL
35. I H8 LOOP
36. EAT LEAD
37. F U
38. PISS OFF
39. OVER DOSE
40. SHAVE BACK
41. SUU EEEE
42. DS9 BUFF
43. R U DONE
44. FAL ICK
45. JAIL BAIT
46. NO BLOOD!
47. NERTS!
48. A+ LAMO
49. NO HOPE
50. I I I I
51. GO AWAY
52. FIX TEETH
53. DON'T TUCH
54. TOO SHORT
55. U-R SICK
56. WANT FRIES?
57. I'M GAY
58. FEAR ME
59. GET OUT
60. PEACH FUZZ
61. KEWL
62. STEP OFF
63. YODA MAN
64. NO BUTT
65. I'LL HURL
66. GOT CRABS
67. NOT NOW
68. NOT EVER
69. DISCO
70. IT'S OFF
71. NO NECK
72. GET A PIMP
73. WRONG
74. U-R DEAD
75. SCAT
76. IN-BRED
77. CUT ONE
78. GET REAL
79. DRY UP
80. EAT LEAD
81. PISS OFF
82. WAKE UP
83. HO HUM
84. TOO FAT
85. PIZZA FACE
86. TRY SOAP
87. NICE LISP
88. WASH OUT
89. I'LL DUMP U
90. GET OFF ME
91. BAD HAIR
92. FISH
93. I'LL YELL
94. TWAT ROT
95. FOR SALE
96. ZIP FLY
97. I QUIT
98. KILL ME
99. DEVO FAN
100. GO NOW
101. AS IF

February 5, 2007
Next Post date March 5, 2007
Happy Valentine's Day
2007!

Love Quotes

Love, like a river, will cut a new path
whenever it meets an obstacle.

- Crystal Middlemas -

***

Love is like a mustard seed;
planted by God
and watered by men

- Muda Saint Michael -

***

There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved.

- George Sand -

***

You know you are in love
when you see the world in her eyes,
and her eyes everywhere in the world.

- David Levesque -

***

What Is It That I Love?

If asked why I love her I would say
It’s the sway in her hips,
the thickness in her thighs.
It’s the lust in her lips,
the love in her eyes.
It’s the softness of her skin,
the silk in her hair.
It’s the twist in her walk;
it’s the sweetness in her talk.
It’s the way she loves me
that makes me love her each day.
That is what I would say.

- Justin Hutchins -

***

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery!!
Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
That love cannot change!!
Love can transform
The most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
And sweetness and grace.
Love is unselfish,
Understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
And not with its mind!!
Love is the answer
That everyone seeks...
Love is the language,
That every heart speaks.
Love can't be bought,
It is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
Is life's sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -

***

When you love someone,
all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

- Elizabeth Bowen -

***

Marriage is not a ritual or an end.
It is a long, intricate,
intimate dance together
and nothing matters more
than your own sense of balance
and your choice of partner.

- Amy Bloom -

***

We sat side by side in the morning light
and looked out at the future together.

- Brian Andres -

***

Love is like a mountain,
hard to climb,
but once you get to the top
the view is beautiful.

- Daniel Monroe Tuttle -

***

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,
but because it sees more it is willing to see less.

- Will Moss -

***

Love is like the sun coming out of the clouds
and warming your soul.

- Author Unknown -

***

To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.

- Bill Wilson -

***

When She Walks By

Eyes so dark
Heart so pure
I could never love another
The way I love her
Gleam in her eyes
Like a candles flame
I love when I hear her
Call out my name
When she walks by
Birds stop their flight
The dead come to life
And the blind regain their sight
I could never love another
The way I love her
Eyes so dark
Heart so pure

Skin so soft
Soul on fire
She fills me with
Complete desire
The way she moves
The way she looks
One glance at her
Was all it took
When she walks by
People stare
At her radiant face
And her ebony hair
She fills me with
Complete desire
Skin so soft
Soul on fire

Perfect body
A scholar's mind
Michelangelo would envy
Such a find
Beautiful smile
Always sincere
Whoever's around
Wants her near
When she walks by
Angels weep
Gods hide their faces
And lovers leap
Michelangelo would envy
Such a find
Perfect body
A scholar's mind

- Patrick Possanza -

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