Food Analogies

I am a foodie. Always have been. Always will be. I like to think about it, arrange it, plan for it, pine for it, prepare it, dissect it, discuss it, truss it, experiment with it, create it, berate it, enjoy it and employ it. Heck, we fed nearly 50 folks for Thanksgiving. Had to clear out our garage to seat everyone, so food is something that I understand. And I think food is something most people understand, since we do all need to eat. Capitalizing on this, I often find myself using the strangest food analogies. I can come up with one for nearly any situation. I don't even know where they come from, but they seem to do the trick. You see, I work in the insurance industry, and it is often my job to explain really really dry insurance terminology to regular folks. I also have to discuss underwriting, policy, and marketing issues with my higher ups. I utilize food analogies just to keep everyone awake! I will list just a few for your entertainment.

1) Like slicing strawberries and expecting a banana cream pie. Meaning, if you want a banana pie, you need to use bananas to make it! In other words, it's no use taking actions that won't lead you to the results you are looking to attain.

2) Like serving leftover pasta to a different crowd, but having to swap all of the garbanzo beans for bell peppers prior to serving. Meaning- it is often times more difficult to utilize something which is leftover but needs altering, than it is to just start fresh. This came to mind when I had to reuse marketing packets which contained over 10 inserts and were zipped up in slippery plastic bags. I had to reopen the bags, take out two of the inserts, which were not applicable, and include three additional inserts in their stead! Talk about maddening! I think I would have preferred to pluck the garbanzos out of a pasta salad!

3) It's not chopped liver. Meaning- it's not really low grade. I think we have all heard this one.

4) Apples to Oranges. Meaning, no sense in comparing two things which are not alike in the first place. (people do it all the time anyway!)

5) Slow as molasses. Meaning- s l o w moving.

6) It ain't worth beans. Meaning low monetary value. I guess beans are a relatively inexpensive food choice.

7) Lickety split. Meaning in a short period of time.God only knows where that one came from! Split second? To lick a lollipop only takes but a moment? Click here to see what The Straight Dope has to say about this expression.

8) That's so corny. Meaning- it's something that would appeal to country folks (how demeaning!)

9) That's so cheesy. Meaning something which is poorly constructed..I hear the British borrowed this expression from the Urdu in India. Their word for "thing" is "chiz". Now you know where that came from. I always thought that expression had to do with rumors of cheap cheese being manufactured in dirty bathtubs....

10) Don't sugarcoat the truth. Meaning- don't cover something ugly with a thin layer of something nice. We've all heard that one.

Well, once again it is getting late, and my marshmellow mattress is calling my name.......

Wishing you meaningful reflections in December!

Christmas Jokes

What kind of music do elves like best?
"Wrap" music!

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!

What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?

Why, shortbread of course!

What kind of money do elves use?
Jingle bills!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low "elf" esteem!

How long should an elf's legs be?

Just long enough to reach the ground!

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
First, YULE LOGon"!

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!

What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!

Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?

Who lives at the North Pole, makes toys and rides around in a pumpkin?

One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"

Why do elves scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where its itchy!

How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!

What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!

What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!

Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because Santa had said, "No L!"

Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
Because he had the drum sticks!

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?

What's another name for Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

Where do you find elves?
Depends where you left them!

December 1, 2008
Next Post date: January 5, 2009

Christmas Oddities

In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small wooden pyramids with fruit.

In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can roller-skate to church.

An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck.

It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction.

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in red.

In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden because long ago it was believed that witches and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and would steal their brooms for riding.

Christmas day is celebrated in late December, shortly after the sun turns north and the days start getting longer.
The choice of date is symbolic, since nobody really knows when Jesus was born.
Astrologically, the date is in early Capricorn, the sign of the mountain goat.
The early light falls first on the rugged mountain peaks, where the surefooted goat lives.
Christmas has become a caricature of the original celebration,
with a lot of silly commercial additives.
Essentially, it's a celebration of life, and being "reborn".

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