Gaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Thanks for listening. I've been needing to do that since the resumption (Like my creative conjugation?) of soccer! Believe me. I love to watch my babies running on the grass with all of their health bursting forth, and their cheeks turning red. The games are great. Gives me a chance to meet new people and get some much needed sun. But the practices, oh the practices. Four nights a week, right at dinnertime. Factoring in my new job in the AM, and the time needed to assist with fourth grade math and second grade reading, there just is not enough time in the day.

Now, just to spice things up, my big boys decided to go out for their school's flag football team. It's their last year at that school, and they want to go out with some glory. One of the boys thrives on a busy schedule packed with as many sporting events as possible. He doesn't like to have much down time, and is able to complete his homework and skip meals when necessary. The other guy is more like his ma. He needs that down time to read, and putter around on the computer. He likes to cook fancy meals for himself and relax. He's not playing soccer, just the flag football, which he was persuaded to play, and he's actually not hating it. He has a great physique, and could probably be a fabulous athlete, but it's just not his bag. He much prefers to try to learn complicated computer programs, which he obtains from unnamed sources.

Also, since they are in the 8th grade, they need to complete their Christian Service hours, so my husband signed them up for soccer referee classes, and they ref two games on Saturdays. Okay. Thus far, we have three soccer games at three different parks, and my husband and the twins ref an additional two games. It starts at 8 AM and goes until about 4 PM for the boys. We're used to that from tournament soccer and are thankful for having Sundays off.

But now the flag football is kicking in. At first, the football practices were on Tues and Thurs right after school. Then the boys would come home to eat, and the soccer boy would have to go directly to soccer practice, get home around 8 PM shower and do his homework. Difficult but manageable.

Then, the football coach decided to change the football practice schedule to lure the pop warner football players back to the school's flag football team. He changed their practices to Monday and Wednesday nights from 5 to 7 PM.

Well well. It all went down during the week of Yom Kippur, and soccer boy's coach happens to be of the Jewish faith. Henceforth and theretofore, the soccer practices were changed from Tues and Thurs to Wednesdays and Fridays. And soccer boy also committed to babysitting on the Friday of that week for his first grade buddy.

Decisions decisions. Miss football or soccer???? I decided that he would go to football practice on Monday and leave early to attend soccer practice from 6 to 7. Remember, it was HOT that week. I was already stressed about all of that fourth grade math I was having to help with, and trying to get dinner cooked and served between the hours of 3:30 and 5 PM for different palates. So I went to pick up soccer boy and his buddy, who is on the same sport track with the flag football and soccer. I packed up two kids and the fresh water and arrived at the school. They were in the middle of a scrimmage, and no one was acknowledging me. Finally the football coach glared at me and said, "Can I help you?" I said, "Yes, I need to pick up soccer boy and friend to go to soccer practice."

Uh oh. This wasn't going to go over so well. This man, whom I had only seen one time before when I came to drop off water and white t-shirts for my boys, was not happy. He told me how he had changed the football practice schedule to accommodate my son and his friend's soccer schedule, and that just because his soccer coach happened to be Jewish, he had no right to change the soccer schedule. That his football team should not have to be compromised in any way because of the soccer commitment. And that my son was needed at the football practice more than he was needed at the soccer practice. All the while turning red in the face.

I was dumbfounded not to mention offended. How dare this man try to tell me where my child should be. I explained how the soccer coach and the football coach changed the schedules at the same time, and that I had no control over the practice times. He then made another comment about the soccer coach being Jewish. I asked him if he would hold a football practice on Christmas. He then stated that he was a Catholic. Really?

Well he was messing with the wrong miss that day. I was hot, hormonal, and way overbooked. I told him that I had four children with seven sport practices to manage during the week. That there would be conflicts, and that I was doing the best I could. My son was already missing the other soccer practice and had a game on Saturday and could not miss two practices and that was that. Then I left holding on to a large grudge. I wanted to yank soccer boy from the team then and there, but since his non-sport playing twin brother was on the team and doing well, I didn't feel right about it.

Well wouldn't you just know it. Both of the coaches changed their schedules again!!!!!!! Of course they clashed. What now, miss soccer or miss football? We were having the big discussion during our Sunday night fancy dinner in the dining room. Hubby voted not to miss soccer. I told my hubby that I had no desire to go at it with this coach again, and would he please call the coach and explain our son's predicament so that I wouldn't get blasted again. Hubby refused to place such a call on a Sunday night. I voted to miss soccer and go to football since there wouldn't be a soccer game the following Saturday. And, even though I was still holding a grudge, I could see the football coache's point about changing practice times on a weekly basis, even though he did it too.

I didn't want another confrontation anyway. Round and round we went. Finally, hubby agreed to write a note to the coach to be delivered by non-soccer football boy, and said that he would pick him up from football and have a chat with the coach. He did, and everything is fine. Football coach asked for a copy of the soccer schedule so that he could time the football tournaments to avoid conflicts.

So we'll just see how it goes. Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that all three of my kids' soccer picture times are scheduled before noon on the Sunday of my daughter's eighth birthday party. I knew that there was something going on an that Sunday other than my dad's birthday! I went ahead and paid for the ice-skating rink party, and didn't realize until two days later, that party and soccer photos were on the same day! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't wait until January!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Useful Tip

If you ever happen to wash and dry a black ball-point pen, and the inside of your dryer gets bombed with black ink, dried on of course, use fingernail polish remover to remove the ink. Worked like a charm. Please don't ask me how I know this! Suffice it to say that there is something to be said for "Trial and Error"!

Happy Halloween!


"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case" 

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews. 

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers. 

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. 


The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close. 

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there. 

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church. 

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation leans on the bell. 

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong. 

The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion." 

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has. 

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.  So why should you? 

To make a long story short, don't tell it. 

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. 

Peace starts with a smile. 

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from? 

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises. 

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges. 

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees. 

Be ye fishers of men.  You catch them - He'll clean them. 

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. 

Don't put a question mark where God put a period. 

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church. 

Forbidden fruits create many jams. 

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. 

God grades on the cross, not the curve. 

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!" 

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. 

He who angers you, controls you! 

If God is your Copilot - swap seats! 

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty! 

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us. 

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you. 
We don't change the message, the message changes us. 

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. 
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

October 4, 2004
Next Post date November 1, 2004
Muslim Toilet (Remind me never to visit!)
One step at a time!

Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH)

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling Smarter Yet?


When you put your hand to the plow, you can't put it down until you get to the end of the row.

-  Alice Paul


Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

-  Carl Zwanzig


You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you.

-  Charles Allen


Click on the picture to view this month's mystery feature.

Click here to download the QuickTime Player if you don't have it. Remember, if you have dial up, the movie will take a few minutes to load!


Email your comments, good, bad, or ugly

Just a little history.

Archive of past issues.

View a Virtual kaleidoscope!

Make freaky animals!

Take a personality test based on your color preferences.

MTW stands for Morty's Twisted World. Visit him he's hilarious!

Free recipe of the month tested in my own kitchen.

Quotes, articles, jokes, funny pictures. Very clever.

Slash your grocery costs in half like I did!

Just a guy having fun on the web. Read his rambles!

My collection of money saving links.