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Harmony

I was going to blog about "convenience" as it was seeming like nothing in my life was convenient. Got me to thinking about the origin of the word. Gotta love the internet for that. I learned that it stems from "con" meaning "with" and "venir" meaning "to come", or, in other words, coming together. Hence "convenience store" everything is together. One needen't run higglely wiggly all over town to pick up the milk, batteries for the remote, chips, coffee for the next morning etc. Sure, a premium is mandated for the time saved, but sometimes it is a worthy investment, depending upon the rigors ahead. Well, I didn't want to write another whiny column about too much to do and not nearly enough time- especially since I do have more time now, and am really enjoying it. And, for that matter, life has been pretty doggone convenient- especially the California sunshine. So that idea got aced.

Then I thought about writing about First Impressions. You see, Soccer Boy and I have been having these heavy morning conversations while he drives to the bus station and I try not to grow more grey hairs as he hesitates and then jams through yellow lights in rush hour morning traffic. He is like Dagwood, I brew the coffee and he whizzes through the kitchen grabbing his Joe and off we go. We were discussing first impressions the other day. He mentioned that he thought life was very much influenced by first impressions. He is of the opinion that it is up to each individual to strive to make the best first impression in order to gain acceptance in this dog eat dog world.

The hair must be cut just so and gelled just so, and the pants need to be under the butt- oh wait- that is out now, so the pants are worn where they belong once again. The cool slang terms are used with the right cliques and name brand clothing is adorned. When going to work, he gussies up in dress clothes with belt and tie and can toss out the 50¢ words in proper context, and at school, I am sure he has yet another persona. Then there is the soccer spirit and ref spirit and party face and poker face. It goes on and on.

We all adapt to our environments but some of us are more malleable than others. His twin brother, Computer Boy, admits to having work mode- where he is quite outgoing and almost too professional- like a mannequin come to life, and home mode, where he just wants to be left alone, and social mode where he can relax among a small group of very close friends.

Hubby has work mode and soccer coach and ref modes as well as parent mode and social and work modes. Buddah Boy - he really doesn't change all that much. Always witty and somewhat macho, yet caring and compassionate. And Princess, well she is always a princess. She does her best at all she does. All the time.

Perhaps all of this mode changing is something we gain with age, and once mastered, we work to discard the modes and just remain in the one authentic state of being. That state where we are who we are and we do what we do- not to impress others, but because it is what pleases us, or what we find is a valuable way to spend our time, which ultimately brings us contentment. Sometimes that might be cold raviolis eaten out of the can while reading the Sun trash rag still in jammies at 3 PM. Maybe it is found in the kitchen- either by following a recipe or deciding not to in order to create a delectable dining experience. Perhaps it is reading or writing or drawing or dancing or playing an instrument.

When I hit my forties, I decided that I had had enough of trying to mold myself into what I thought society expected of me. I went more the Popeye route, "I am what I am". It has brought about a sense of peace. I don't have to worry so much about first impressions anymore, though I'll admit that I do attempt to not stand out as a complete freak. I fail at that sometimes much to my daughter's dismay. I am not the cookie cutter mom with a neat hairstyle and stylish clothes, who keeps quiet around Princess and her friends and who watches American Idol. I am not afraid to share my unsolicited opinions and but into conversations when tempted.

First impressions are important. It is important to look and sound sharp at a job interview if your goal is to get hired. It's important to have the house picked up when company is expected. There is a universal common courtesy by which most of us attempt to abide, but the real beauty is when the courteous person is the person we are and not merely the person we are trying to be. That's the key. A clean house because it pleases us, not just for the company. When we have this balance of the inner and the outer, of our hopes and our experiences, of our goals and our accomplishments, we have harmony. The drums do not drown out the guitar and the guitar does not drown out the drums. They work together to create the melody which oftentimes includes solo performances of just one instrument for a period of time. I like to think of our complicated selves in this manner. Sometimes we are the drums, other times we are the guitar. Sometimes we are both, and sometimes we are neither. Oftentimes it does depend upon who our audience is. But when we are feeling like drumming yet also feel pressured to play guitar instead, it can result in a contrived performance. This can usually be sensed by our audience and has a less than desirable effect.

The very young and the very old do not often bother with this contrived behaviour hoping to be, or at least appear to be, what, in their mind is what their audience expects. This is what I love about them. There is little duplicity of expression. They aren't saying yes when they mean no and vice versa. There is a sweet essence of truth, or at least truth in their expression. It is a natural demeanor and I think this plays a part in the love we have for our pets. There is little guessing. They aren't capable of acting happy to see us when they clearly are not. People, on the other hand, are. When the words being uttered do not match the body language signals displayed, it results in mixed messages, which can lead to disastrous consequences.

So what is the point of all of this? What is the moral? Why did I bother to put it all down? Why, it was simply a convenient way to fill the March Muse.

Enjoy the blooming flowers and the scent tof the orange blossoms.

-Jewel

LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK
 

 One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
 
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.
 
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
 
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
 
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a garbage-free day!
 
"Faith is not believing God can, it is knowing that God will."

***

Pastor's Business Card 
  
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.  At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.   
  
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. 
  
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.  Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..' 
  
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.  Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'  Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

Riddles

What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish?

Paddy O' Furniture

***

What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?

A sham rock.

***

When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?

When it's a French Fry.

***

Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover?

You don't want to press your luck.

***

What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?

A leper con.

***

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna were talking about their sons.

Kate says, 'My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years.'

Lorna responds, 'Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time.'

'My word,' says Kate, 'You must be so proud.'

'I am,' announces Lorna, 'And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party.'

***

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.
The Texan says : "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other."
The Kerry farmer says: "Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too."

***

Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."

'Faith now,' exclaims Reilly, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.

***

Gallagher is in Boston and he is waiting patiently, also, he is watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.

The cop stops the flow of traffic and shouts, 'Okay pedestrians'. Then he allows the traffic to pass. He did this several times, and Gallagher is still standing on the sidewalk.

After the cop has shouted 'Pedestrians' for the tenth time, Gallagher approaches him and says, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

***

Saint Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland
Here's a drinkee to his health!
But not too many drinkees
Lest we lose ourselves and then...
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see them snakes again!

***

St. Patrick's Day Toast
Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one!

***

Irish Toast
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money!

***

Next Post date: April 4, 2011
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March 7, 2011

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There was a fat lady of Clyde,

Whose shoelaces once came untied.

She feared that to bend

Would display her rear end,

So she cried and she cried and she cried.

***

God's plan made a hopeful beginning,

But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;

We trust that the story

Will end in great glory,

But at present, the other side's winning.

***

When twins came, their father, Dann Dunn,

Gave Edward as name to each son.

When folks cried, "Absurd"

He replied "Ain't you heard

That two Eds are better than one?"

***

You will find by the banks of the Nile,

The haunts of the great crocodile.

He will welcome you in,

With an innocent grin,

Which gives way to a satisfied smile.

***

A sensitive girl called O'Neill,

Went on the fairground Big Wheel;

When half way around,

She looked down at the ground,

It cost her a two-dollar meal.

***

At the zoo I remarked to an emu,

I cannot pretend I esteem you;

You're a greedy old bird,

And your walk is absurd;

And not even your feathers redeem you!

***

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent,

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

They quarrelled I'm told,

Through the silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

***

A remarkable figure has Myrtle:

A retractable tail like a turtle.

But though she has never

Been called cute or clever,

She annually proves to be fertile.

***

There was an old lady of Wales,

Who lived upon mussels and snails.

On growing a shell,

She exclaimed, "Just as well!

It will save me in bonnets and veils"

***

There once was a corpulent carp,

Who wanted to play on the harp;

But to his chagrin,

So short was his fin,

He couldn't reach up to C sharp.

***

A charming old lady of Settle,

For a hat, wore a bright copper kettle.

When people derided

She said, "I've decided

To show all of the neighbors my mettle."

***

There was a young girl from St. Paul

Wore a newspaper dress to a ball;

But the dress caught on fire

And burned her entire -

Front page, sporting section and all.

***

There was a young maid of Madras,

Possessed of a beautiful ass;

It was not round and pink,

As you possibly think,

But was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

***

When Daddy and Mum got quite plastered,

And their shame had been thoroughly mastered,

They told their boy Harry,

"Son, we never did marry;

But don't tell the neighbors, you bastard."

***

There was a young man who was bitten,

By twenty-two cats and a kitten.

Cried he, "It is clear

My end is quite near!

No matter. I'll die like a Briton."

***

There was a young lady of Kent,

Who always said just what she meant.

People said, "She's a dear -

So unique - so sincere-"

But they shunned her by common consent.

***

There was an old skinflint named Green,

Who grew so abnormally lean

And flat and compressed

That his back squeezed his chest,

And sideways he couldn't be seen.

***

A cynic of much savoir-faire

Pursued by a horrible bear,

Said, "I'll argue a while

In the feminine style.

No creature could follow me there."

***

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