Micturation Syncope- Say What?

Unless you are a doctor, have read about this, have had experience with this, or are abnormally intelligent, I am going to make you read my little story in order to find out what it means!

Unfortunately, we had our first little experience with it on President's Day, and it nearly scared the bejeezus out of me. If I can educate just one person, and spare them the horror of what I experienced, my good deed, and your possible boredom will have served its purpose.

It was a lovely day, and in preparation for an upcoming 40's theme wedding of the youngest brother-in-law, we decided to go downtown to the Garment District in search of 5 Zoot Suits. I made a smart little breakfast of scrambled eggs and cheese, cinnamon sourdough toast, and Sunny D. We all ate and got in the car. We got downtown in no time but had a bit of a challenge finding the suit strip. We drove in circles for a long time and ffinally found it. We found parking and set off on foot.

Boy were there suits! We went in a few stores and found one that had what my husband was looking for. The woman helping us was quite a sales gal- everyone was handsome- they all needed a tie- go to our other store for the smaller boys- take the suits to this tailor two blocks over. When all was said and done, we had probably spent nearly 4 hours trying on suits, dropping them off at the tailors etc. Now mind you, it had just rained, so it was not hot, and we did more standing and waiting than actual walking, so my hubby and I figured we could stretch the kiddies along without lunch until we were finished and then go for an early dinner.

Well, as I am an avid coffee drinker, I had had to pee when we first arrived, but I am accustomed to "holding" it. By this time, I had to go pretty badly. Our daughter also had to "go" and our eldest son stated that he really had to go right then! Yikes! We were in the middle of downtown, and the stores were crammed together in narrow buildings that seemed ancient. We asked a parking attendant where we could find a public restroom and he replied that he didn't know. Oh puhleeze! I was looking for an eating establishment with facilities but none were to be found at this dire time of need! What were we to do?

Just then, my eldest son, with his keen eye, spotted a sign in yet another parking lot, which read "restroom .50¢!" Of course I didn't see it, but I told him to guide us there. He did, and since he spotted it and seemed to have the most urgent need, I told him to go first. I paid the .50¢ and we waited forever. He came out, and daughter went in next, It was a bizarre little set up. I mean there was this little shack in the middle of a corner parking lot for gawd's sake! Our son informed us that the door did not shut all the way, and that the light bulb was burnt out.. And all of this for .50¢!

So, as I stood "holding" it while our daughter was "unloading" it, I gazed out towards the parking lot where hubby and soccer boy stood watch, with our eldest directly behind them, out of their line of vision. I noticed that his face appeared red, he was rubbing his temples, and had a terrible look on his face! What, oh what could have occured in the time frame of his leaving the stall, and princess entering it? What could have been said in so short a time? I called out to him to see if he was okay. He said his head hurt, and I figured he was just really hungry. Princess finished, and I took care of my business and then went out to the boys. By this time, hubby had turned around and our eldest boy was staggaring backwards in an unnatural manner. We thought he was kidding around, which he is rarely prone to do. Hubby and I then realized that he was not okay! He had turned white as a ghost, and could not stand on his own. We sat him down on somewone's gray sports car, and then quickly walked him to the front of the shack and sat him down in a little chair. The parking lot attendant was really kind and gave us his half drank soda which I quickly accepted and gave to our son.. I thought about dialing 911, but hubby wanted to go get our car. He first ran for a Gatorade across the street. Good thing he does all of that soccer reffing. as he was in good enough shape to get the Gatorade delivered, dodging cars along the way, run up the stairs to where our van was, and return with it. By this time, our son had some color in his face, and was talking coherently. He knew what day it was, where we were, and that he still wanted to hit Little Tokyo for grub and Anime book shopping. I ruled out 911 at this point.

We went to Little Tokyo, had a fabulous meal, and found an open bookstore having the sought after merchandise. The next day I brought him to see our doctor, who listened to our story and immediately ruled out low blood sugar, high blood sugar, diabetes, dehydration, (all of the things we had suspected) and deemed the cause, You guessed it..."Micturtion Syncope". Say what? I knew syncope was another word for fainting. But what the heck did micturition mean? The closest word I knew to that was matriculation having to do with enrolling in a university, and that didn't seem to apply. Actually, micturition is the medical term for the act of passing urine. So, Micturition Syncope in layman's terms, means fainting after holding numbers one, two, and or any combination, for too long a time. Doctor explained that this can place pressure on the parasympathetic nervous system, and once it is rapidly released, the vessels are still dilated and the blood can't get to the brain! Like if your pipes were too small and there wasn't enough hot water to make it to the shower spigot. So here's the skinny on it courtesy to the web:


"Fainting may occur if blood volume is too low. An obvious cause of low blood volume is bleeding. Another cause is dehydration, which may be due to diarrhea, excessive sweating, inadequate intake of fluids, or excessive urination (which is a common symptom of untreated diabetes (see Diabetes Mellitus (DM)) or Addison's disease (see Adrenal Gland Disorders: Addison's Disease). In older people, the use of diuretics is a common cause of dehydration, particularly during warm weather or during an illness when obtaining or drinking enough fluids may be difficult. (Diuretics help the kidneys eliminate salt and water by increasing urine formation and thus decrease fluid volume in the body.)

Fainting may occur if the vagus nerve, which supplies the neck, chest, and intestine, is stimulated. When stimulated, the vagus nerve slows the heart. Such stimulation also causes nausea and cool, clammy skin. This type of fainting is called vasovagal (vasomotor) syncope. The vagus nerve is stimulated by pain (such as intestinal cramps), fear, other distress (such as that due to the sight of blood), vomiting, a large bowel movement, and urination. Fainting during or immediately after urination is called micturition syncope. Rarely, vigorous swallowing causes fainting due to stimulation of the vagus nerve.

Fainting may also occur if straining reduces the amount of blood flowing back to the heart. Fainting due to coughing (cough syncope) usually results from such straining. Fainting after urination (micturition syncope) or after a bowel movement is partly due to straining (in addition to stimulation of the vagus nerve). Older men who must strain to empty their bladder because of a large prostate gland are particularly susceptible. Fainting when lifting weights (weight lifter's syncope) results from the strain of trying to lift or push heavy weights without breathing adequately during the exercise."

Doc said that Micturition Syncope is somewhat common in the younger set, that it would probably never happen again, and not to worry. I asked if we might want to get a blood test just to rule out any blood sugar anomolies, and he said it was not necessary unless the fainting spell happens again. He said it was a combo of being hungry, tired, and having to "hold it" for too long. So fellow parents, take heed. I never would have put those two together.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Limericks:

Submitted by Noam Kuzar
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

***

Submitted By: Bob
There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

***


Submitted By: Roger Morris
There was a fat turkey named Sam,
Who gobbled whenever he ran.
He came out of the bush,
Presenting his tush,
And was shot up the arse by a man.

***


Submitted By: Deirdre Kinney
There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!

***

Submitted By: Papa Johnny
There was an announcer named Herschel
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing
Whatever he was doing
At ten he'd insert his commercial.

***

Submitted By: Papa Johnny
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

***



Submitted By: G. Mark Woodhouse
There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!

***

Cute Poem Author Unknown

!
Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl,
One was an optimistic soul.
But the other took a gloomy view,
"I shall drown!" he cried "and so will you!"
So with a last despairing cry,
He closed his eyes and said good-bye!
But the other with a merry grin said,
I can't get out, but I won't give in!
I'll swim around until my strength is spent,
For having tried I'll die content.
Bravely, he swam until it would seem,
His struggles began to churn the cream.
On top of the butter at last he stopped,
And out of the bowl he happily hopped.
What is the moral? It's easily found,
If you can't get out, keep swimming around!


***


Submitted By: Jeanne Hart
In days of old,
When knights were bold,
Before outhouses were invented.
They laid their load,
Beside the road,
And walked away contented.

***

Submitted By: Bill
THE OJ TRIAL AS TOLD BY DR. SUESS
I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag. My bag. Hey, leave it be.
When I came home, I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my small house, for which I yearn,
And to family whom I love.
So now I'm free, give back my glove.

March 5, 2007
Next Post date: April 2, 2007
Happy St. Patrick's Day
2007!


Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational contest which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

 
The winners are:

 
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time

 
2. Ignoranus
: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

 
3 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it
was your money to start with.

 
4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

 
6. Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

 
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

 
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

 
9. Inoculatte
: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

 
10. Hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.

 
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
 

12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.

 
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

 
14.. Glibido: All talk and no action.

 
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

 
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 
18. Caterpallor (n.): T he color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

 
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate >meanings for common words

 
And the winners are:

 
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

 

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

 
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

 
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

 
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

 
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

 
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

 
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

 
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

 
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

 
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

 
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

 
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

 
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms...

 
15. Frisbeetarianism, n.
the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the
roof and gets stuck there.

Click on the picture to view this month's mystery feature.

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