Daughterly Due Dilligence

I am a middle aged Madge. 47 to be exact. It is an odd badge to wear. I wanted to make a pie chart in Word and attempt to include all of my roles and allot the correct amount of the pie to each in an attempt to illustrate the direct relationship each has on the other, but I forgot how to do this in Word, besides, it would really need to be a QuickTime movie since the sizes of the slices are constantly changing depending upon the appetite of those who need to be served. Now I don't mean this in a bad way. I was just musing on it recently as we had a family situation which gave me cause to question the size of my slices. I know, I know, the dreaded food analogies....I will start by naming some of the bigger slices, and moving down to the smaller ones: Mom, Wife, Lover, Daughter, Daughter-in-law, Sister, Step-sister, Sister-in-law, Cousin, Niece, (not a Granddaughter or Grandmother at present!) Friend, Neighbor, Travel Insurance Rep, Coworker, Superior, Subordinate, House cleaner, Meal Preparer, Tutor, Driver, Blogger, Photographer, Correspondent, Confidant, Entertainer, Medic, Student, Baker, Thinker, Reader, Writer, Crafter, Animal lover, Shopper, Sleeper, Exerciser, Team mom, Room Mom, Joker, Complainer- okay, that's enough to get the ball rolling. How many slices in that pie? No one gets a very big slice it seems. And if someone happens to need a bigger slice, that means someone else will have to take a smaller slice. I realize this is the same for all of us. I just seem to think about it and talk about it more than most.

Most of the time my pie is full and I am working to keep the slices balanced- giving the slices to the hungriest folks first, but oftentimes I question the portions. Some of the slices remain pretty constant, but others change on a daily basis. For example, if the tutor slice and the driver slices get too big, then the meal preparer and house cleaner slices will shrink respectively. If the wife gets too big, the mother suffers and vice versa. We could go all over the place with that one, but I mean "big" in the figurative sense, not the literal- heh heh heh. This is the spice of life.

I try to keep all of the slices constant, but to add another, it simply cannot be done if our pie is going to be well rounded. Hey! I just had an epiphany! Perhaps this is why the number for "Pi" which is used to calculate circle measures, is a non repeating decimal. Click here to see it to 100,000 decimal places! So it is meant to be.

I was dishing daughter and mother slices up the other day. I was concerned about my papa's health. We've always had a close relationship, and we especially delight in exchanging jokes. He was a firefighter, and I a waitress during my college years, so we always had new material. The advent of the internet only served to facilitate our pastime, but what we gained in the visual accoutrements via the pixel screen, we lost in the audible verbal delivery of the punch line. In any event, it was a convenient way to keep in contact and stay connected. One day the emails stopped. I figured he was out of town and gave a phone call. He mentioned that he was done emailing. That he wasn't any good at it anyway, and that was that. Wow. I guess I figured that he would gradually taper off, but that's not the way the cookie crumbled (sorry!). Guilt set in. If only I were able to spend more time with him. If only I could drop by with a casserole or just sit and read with him. Or watch a movie together, or just talk in person. It's a seven hour round trip not including visit time, and I am hard put to figure which of the slices are going to have to go in order to fit this one into the fold. Any recommendations would be readily welcomed!

This is the badge of middle aged Madge. We get to wear it if we are lucky enough to have both living parents and children. We need to cut those slices carefully lest we live to regret it later. I was okay with letting the email thing go. I could find time to call on a regular basis. Finding a mutually convenient time proved to be much more difficult than forwarding an email. I called when he was napping, or he called when I was rushing dinner before a soccer practice. He sometimes seemed a bit confused when we spoke. He mentioned that he recently lost 50 pounds. (I can't imagine! Why couldn't that happen to me?) I began to worry. I called family members and expressed my concern which only added to their guilt at not being able to visit more. Guess I was trying to steal a slice of their pie for my own use!

Then he called one evening and told me he was in the hospital with a blood glucose reading of close to 600. 140 is normal. Upwards of 600 can result in renal failure and worse. It never occurred to me that he might develop Diabetes. Funny thing is, I was concerned about developing it as I am carrying an extra 50 or so. I learned my big brother was also concerned and had his blood checked, but we were both WNL (within normal limits). I blame it on psychic familial empathy or something esoteric like that. I knew something was going on, just didn't know what. The weight loss, confusion, fatigue, and pulling away are all textbook like examples of adult onset Diabetes (I have all symptoms but the weigh loss, so I guess I am safe). At least it was somewhat comforting to learn that my daughterly instinct was in tact. He was released from the hospital before I could manage to get there to see him. He called and sounded great. Any way you slice it, I am going up to visit as soon as possible, and I won't be bringing any pie except humble pie.

Moral of the story- never never assume someone is getting "older". Get a blood test. One of my dearest friends is 93 and her mind is brilliant.

Have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day, and if you have time, click on the Irish Dancer picture to hear a great Irish Drinking Song on YouTube!

Jewel

***Monday Morning Muse was off line for a few weeks, as the company I have been using to host it for the past 10 years went belly up! So sad. Had to switch to GoDaddy.com. I have to rebuild a good portion of the archive and recipe section. That's my excuse for no new recipe yet. I didn't have an Irish recipe anyway.***

More Limericks

There was a young lady named Rose

Who had a large wart on her nose.

When she had it removed

Her appearance improved,

But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

***

An elderly man called Keith

Mislaid his set of false teeth -

They'd been laid on a chair,

He'd forgot they were there,

Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

***

There's a wonderful family called Stein:

There's Gert and there's Ep and there's Ein.

Gert's poems are bunk,

Ep's statues are junk,

And no one can understand Ein.

***



There was a young lady named Harris

Whom nothing could ever embarrass

'Til the salts that she shook

In the bath that she took

Turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

***

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

***

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

***



A Christian Scientist from Theale

Said, "Though I know that pain isn't real,

When I sit on a pin

And it punctures my skin

I dislike what I fancy I feel".

***

Linda Blair with great favour confessed,

She'd been exorcised, thus finding rest,

But alack and alas

Her old demon came back

and now the poor girl's repossessed.

(Contributed by Dick Lamb)

***

'Tis a favourite project of mine,

A new value of pi to assign.

I would fix it at 3,

For it's simpler, you see,

Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

***

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,

My wife's just had twins,, ain't that nice.

But the Bishop said, "Father,

in future I'd rather,

you abstained, or were not naughty twice.

***

re was a young lady named Maud,

Who was the most terribly fraud.

She never was able

to eat at the table

but when in the larder, Oh gawd.

***

A limerick of classic proportion

should have meter and rhyme and a portion

of humor quite lewd
and a frightfully crude

impossible sexual contortion.

***

March 2, 2009
Next Post date: April 6, 2009
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY 2009

Limericks

A bather whose clothing was strewed,

By winds that left her quite nude,

Saw a man come along,

And unless we are wrong,

You expected this line to be lewd.

***

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,

When asked at what hour he'd dine,

Replied, "At eleven,

At three, five, and seven,

And eight and a quarter past nine.

***



There was a young lass from Australia

Who painted her ass like a Dahlia

The shape it was fine

And the color divine

But the aroma--well, that was a faihlia

(Contributed by Maurie Houseman)

***

I once took our vicar to tea;

It was just as I thought it would be:

His rumblings abdominal

Were simply phenomenal,

And everyone thought it was me.

***

There once was a fly on the wall

I wonder why didn't it fall

Because its feet stuck

Or was it just luck

Or does gravity miss things so small?

***

There once was a girl named Irene,

who lived on distilled kerosene.

But she started absorbin'

A new hydrocarbon,

And since then has never benzene!

***

A young schizophrenic named Struther,

Who learned of the death of his Brother,

Said, "I know that its bad,

But I don't feel too sad.

After all, I still have each other."

***

The incredible Wizard of Oz

Retired from his business becoz

due to up-to-date science,

To most of his clients,

He wasn't the Wizard he woz.

***

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,

To his offspring both female and male,

"From your offspring, my dears,

In a couple of years,

May evolve a professor at Yale."

***

God's plan made a hopeful beginning,

But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;

We trust that the story

Will end in great glory,

But at present the other side's winning.

***

Said an envious, erudite ermine,

"There's one thing I cannot determine:

When a girl wears my coat,

She's a person of note.

When I wear it, I'm called only vermin."

***

Click on the picture to view this month's mystery feature.

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