I spent all night last night at my sons' high school, completing my parent volunteer hours by taking photos of the Post Prom frolickers, during their sober all-night party, hosted by the school, for the kids who go to Prom- in an effort to keep them safe from harm.. On the way to duty I cruised through Starbuck's, brandished my gift card, and told the young dude with one inch gages (in case you aren't familiar with the term "gages"- they are those large hole (whole- hah hah) punched ears. Yes, it looks like the whole ear has been permanently massacred.) to go for it and give me the largest most caffeinated concoction he could create with some sort of flavoring in it. I chuckled when he said it would end up being a regular cup of coffee- no latte Frappuccino etc. I got a coffee with a shot of espresso and some white chocolate mocha powder and a touch of cinnamon and whipped cream of course! He didn't even know what to call it. The dude who ordered after me rattled out about nine nouns in a nanosecond to get his drink- "Vente-decaf-mocha- latte- made with low fat milk- hold the whip cream!" ( Did he have to practice that at home prior to ordering?). It always amazes me. Reminds me of trying to memorize the alcohol list at the restaurant. Never could master that, and I still have nightmares about the bartenders sighing and reminding me that the clear alcohols are supposed to be listed before the colored ones with the foo foo drinks at the bottom? Hell if I know. Anyways, it did the trick, since I was able to work from 10 P.M. until 7 A.M. foregoing my shut eye altogether, which I am not accustomed to doing.
Came home and went to bed for 1 1/2 hours and had to get up to participate in a work conference call only to find out that the four other folks had cancelled and the organizer forgot that they had made a previous appointment which conflicted with our call time. No worries, I told her. I 'd be glad to return to bed. But I couldn't return to sleep with 4 teen boys only a few feet away ransacking my freezer for waffles and the like. So I gave up and got up. I mighta been a little punchy today. Not crabby, but not my normal self. I did not push myself too hard. Skipped the gym (any excuse will do) but did make my Jenny appointment. Came home to kids cooking in the kitchen and skipped my Jenny (again, any excuse will do) to assist with the preparation and sample the Sweet n Sour Chicken and vegetables they were attempting to make. I think Computer Boy invented "Ketchup Jelly" with a tad too much cornstarch in the "sauce" but it was delicious. They then went on to play board games while I dealt with the "jelly" and grease splatter for about an hour. It was worth it, just to hear their conversation and wild laughter.
Buddha Boy had invited two friends over (yes- he even okayed it with me the day before) and since they were happily occupied, Princess and I escaped to get our toes painted. We got home around 6:45 and found that Soccer Boy had returned home from the mall with 4 hungry friends in tow. Since I had ordered pizza the night before, that wasn't happening again. How the heck was I going to fill the bellies of nine hungry boys without a big fuss? The answer came to me in the outside freezer- frozen taquitos, two cans of jalapeno pinto beans, microwave cheese quesadillas, and some fresh carrots and cherries just for color. I threw in my Jenny BBQ Chicken pizza in with the taquitos, and managed to destroy it- but I ate it anyway. I made sure Buddha Boy and his formally invited guests got first dibs at the grub, and sent them to the dining room. Soccer Boy and his buds then loaded up their plates and ate in the kitchen. Everyone had food. Everyone had a drink in a plastic cup. I went to the laundry room to fold a load of laundry.
I returned to the kitchen to refill my cup of coffee when I almost got nailed by an airborne taquito! Soccer Boy was not on the suspect list as he was up refilling his water cup. I asked who had thrown the taquito, and two of the three boys that I had never met pointed at the other boy I had never met, and he, in turn vehemently denied having been a party to the flying taquito situation. I eyed the other boy, the one sitting in the area from where I thought the taquito had come from. He denied having thrown the taquito as well. I asked the witnesses, but they wouldn't utter a word as to who had done the deed. I think they were scared of the coffee drinking bean cooking lady.
I decided to test out my lie detecting skills just for the fun of it. I asked again- this time telling them that I wasn't angry- just curious. Again, they pointed to the same boy. I asked him again, and he swore that he had not done it. His cheeks were pink. The boy with the glasses did admit to throwing a taquito into the paper trash bag earlier, as my daughter had witnessed, but then quickly added that his taquito had landed into the bag, and not on the floor heading towards the refrigerator.
I still suspected the boy with the glasses since he was sitting in the right spot- but he hadn't even eaten any of my delicious taquitos since he was still full from the waffle raid earlier. They were telling me that my mom radar was really off base, and Soccer Boy had to chime in that he is ALWAYS being falsley accused be me.
Well at that juncture, I really didn't know whom to believe. I decided to hold a mock trial. Computer Boy even left his computer to see what all the commotion was about. Buddha Boy and his buds scampered out of the dining room to see the action first hand. Our friend who had just come over to pick up Computer Boy to join him for Vietnamese food was called to serve as the prosecutor. I instructed him to ask both boys who had thrown the taquito and to tell me which boy he thought was lying. His vote went with the boy with the glasses. The boy who had eaten 9 taquitos was exonerated as he was too full to do anything physical.
CSI type thoughts then took over my mind, and I decided to reenact the scenario. I gave the boy with the glasses a taquito and asked him to throw it into the trash. Doggone it if he didn't swoosh it clear across the kitchen right into the bag! I gave the other suspect a taquito and asked him to try. Well well well- it landed precisely where the original flying taquito had landed! I again tried to get him to confess, assuring him that I wasn't angry, but just had to know if my instincts were indeed off. He denied it again! We went through a few more reenactments to confirm the results.
Based on the evidence, Glasses boy did not do it- since his taquito tosses all went into the bag. Furthermore, the witnesses blamed it on that other boy. I figured I would let it go, and mentioned that there was a reasonable doubt, and something along the lines of how scary it was that innocent folks can go to prison for being falsely accused of things they did not do, still, no one came his defense
I was getting ready to head back to the laundry room when glasses boy finally fessed up! He admitted that he had "thrown" one of the nine taquitos, that belly boy couldn't eat, into the trash from his seat in the nook, all the way across the kitchen. He tried to duplicate the phenomenon with another taquito and missed his mark. So my mamma radar was correct after all. That was a relief! I told Soccer Boy to watch out, as this mamma has obviously still got some game in her! It was a great exercise in the American Judicial System right at home. Even though all the evidence points to something, it ain't necessarily so. But mom's gut rarely lies!
Definitions Not in Dictionary
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
A place where women curl up and dye.
Someone who is fed up with people.
The only animals you eat before they are born
and after they are dead.
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
An insect that makes you like flies better.
Grape with a sunburn.
Something you tell to one person at a time.
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
The pain that drives you to extraction.
One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
An honest opinion openly expressed.
and MY Personal Favorite!!
Something other people have.
I have character lines.
How To Plant Your Garden
First, you Come to the garden alone,
while the dew is still on the roses....
FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING,
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for
3. Thyme for friends
WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE.
THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP
WHAT YOU SOW. NOT BAD,HUH?!
And- doesn't anyone know a J. Davis who lost an iPod? Email Jewel if you do. See the July 07 archive.
Fathers Are Wonderful People
- Helen Steiner Rice
Fathers are wonderful people Too little understood,
And we do not sing their praises
As often as we should...
For, somehow, Father seems to be
The man who pays the bills,
While Mother binds up little hurts
And nurses all our ills...
And Father struggles daily
To live up to "his image"
As protector and provider
And "hero of the scrimmage"...
And perhaps that is the reason
We sometimes get the notion,
That Fathers are not subject
To the thing we call emotion,
But if you look inside Dad's heart,
Where no one else can see
You'll find he's sentimental
And as "soft" as he can be...
But he's so busy every day
In the grueling race of life,
He leaves the sentimental stuff
To his partner and his wife...
But Fathers are just wonderful
In a million different ways,
And they merit loving compliments
And accolades of praise,
For the only reason Dad aspires
To fortune and success
Is to make the family proud of him
And to bring them happiness...
And like Our Heavenly Father,
He's a guardian and a guide,
Someone that we can count on
To be always on our side.
Father's Day Humor
* To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway
* The thing to remember about fathers is... they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon-seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat, like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle... - Phyllis McGinley
* If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons. - James Baldwin
* My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too. - Peter De Vries
* Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. - Robert Orben
* Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons
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