No Matter How Ya Slice It - It's All the Same

Bran's Version

When I was on the computer studying, Gilbert came in the room running. I think he was still mad at me though, from yesterday, because he kept asking questions that I didn't want to answer. I told him to stop because I was trying to study but he acted as though he heard nothing. I said sevral times again, "Please stop." He did not, but kept talking, saying, "Oh, this test is nothing. I got a 96% on it." Then he was starting to say meaner things. I said , "stop" again, but this time even louder. Mom had heard and told him to leave the room, and then the yelling began.

Gil's Version

I personally believe that it is unfair how I was mistreated today by my brother and my mother. I went into the living room initially to relax and cool down. This seemed like a good idea at the time because I was hot and tired from conditioning. Once I had already been laying down for about five minutes, I noticed that my little brother, who will now be referred as BB, was typing. I was somewhat interested because the only time I see BB on the computer is when he is playing Starcraft. I simply asked him what he was doing, and he told me to leave him alone. I thought this phrase was somewhat unjustified, so I asked him the same question again. He answered by saying, "The Cay test" angrily. I was now even more interested because I thought of the "K" test as in the letter "K", and I had no idea what it was. I then asked BB what subject is this mysteriious "K" test for. By this time BB was very concentrated. The smart but mean little boy purposely replied loudly, "It is for Ms. Genders!" I remembered Ms. Genders as my English teacher, and so I automatically replied, "Is it an English test study guide?" By now, Brandon, not to my knowledge, was annoyed- something that happens often and easily. He replied very loudly and said, "the book The Cay" He then told me to leave him alone. After this saying, I finally remembered The Cay test and replied by telling BB I had done quite well on this test, in fact I said that I had received a 96%. He, once again in an annoyed voice replied, "Leave me alone Gil!" My mom, who now will be referred as MM heard the word, "Gil", which had obviously interested her. She stormed into the room with harsh accusations of my being extremely disruptive. Now I, being a defensive arguer, tried to defend myself by explaining the situation, and before I could finish, MM replied that she had heard the whole thing! I was happy in this particualr point in time becuse if she had really heard the whole thing, she would not have been very angry. Instead, she thought I was being disrespectful by arguing and defending myself. She was now furious and told me to leave the room. I thought to myself, "Why should I leave? I have done nothing wrong!" this in turn ended up being a horrible decision because she later claimed that she became most angry when I refused to leave. She was about to manhandle me, and I could see the fury in her eyes. I decided to leave the living room and retreat to my room. I felt that the battle was over, but it was far from being done. MM had gone into my room, and this is when the sparks really began to fly. She started screaming, and this led to a build up of energy inside of me. I tried to stay calm and reassured myself by calling MM crazy! She started yelling again, and I couldn't take it. That was the last straw. I was hungry and tired, and I let MM have it. I screamed, and accused MM of being ridiculous. She then screamed some more, and used her deadly broken record technique, and just kept on repeating herself over and over again. I gave up and plugged my ears and she exited. The battle had ended until dinner time was happening. You can read that essay if you wish to purchase Volume 2 of Milk & Misery.

My Version

After a long day at work, I picked Gil up from conditioning and came home to immediately begin preparing dinner. Brandon was on the computer using to look up vocabulary words for his Literature test the next day. Roxy was working on her math in the kitchen.

Gil walked into the room where Brandon was, and laid down on the couch. He began speaking to Brandon. I heard Brandon say, "Gil, I am trying to study." Gil kept on talking and Bandon kept on asking Gil to leave him alone.

I had to stop what I was doing in the kitchen in order to go and ask Gilbert to please stop disrupting Brandon, so that Brandon could get his work done.

I then asked Gilbert to go and "relax" in a different room, but he refused, as he felt he had done nothing "wrong" and he had every "right" to stay on the couch.

At that point, he was defying me and further slowing down Brandon's progress, and I lost patience and began yelling at Gilbert to leave the room.

When I threatened to "assist" him to get off of the couch, he decided to get off on his own and go to his room where Robert was quietly working. Concerned that Gil would disrupt Robert, I followed him there, and Gil then erupted. He did not work on his school work, pack his lunch, or take out the recycling until much later. He accused me of always favoring Brandon for everything, and incorrectly placing fault on him.

Try as I may, I could not seem to get the point across that it is unacceptable to interrupt someone who is engaged in a solitary activity. When someone is working or reading, that is not a good time to begin a noisy or active, or, in other words, distracting activity nearby. Gil continued to make snide remarks and glare at Brandon throughout the evening.

So there's a little slice of "family" life. Sometimes it is unreasonable to expect reasonable behavior. More often than not, those who are working independently will be disrupted by those who are not doing what they are supposed to be doing. It's great training for the future work environment. After we had all eaten and done our homework, I decided to make them jot down their versions of what had happened, so papa could have a piece of that slice. He loved all of the different flavors!

Cool Dude's Night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pad
Not a hip cat was swinging, and that's nowhere Dad.
The stove was hung up on that stocking routine,
In hopes that the fat man would soon make the scene.

The kids had all had it so they hit their sacks,
And me and the bride had begun to relax,
When there started a rumble that came on real frantic,
So I opened the window to figure the panic.

I saw a square short that was making fat tracks,
Being pulled by eight dogs who were wearing hat racks.
And a funny old geezer was flipping his lid,
As he told 'em to make it and, man, like they did.

I couldn't help digging the scene on the roof
As I stood there just waiting for chubby to goof.
They stood by the chimney in bunches and clusters,
Til tubby slid down, coming on like gangbusters.

His threads were the squarest and I had to chuckle,
In front, not in back, was his ivy league buckle.
The mop on his chin hid his buttondown collar
And with that red nose, man, he looked like a baller.

Like he was the squarest, the most absolute,
But face it, who cares when he left all that loot.
He laid the jazz on me and fled from the gig.
Wailing, "Have a cool yule and man, later, like dig."

[Thanks to Les Pourciau]


'Twas The Day After Christmas

'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now charge away--charge away--charge away all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got. . . . . .you'll be paying all year!"

Christmas Riddles

Q. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A. You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. It's Christmas, Eve!

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. Why does Mr. Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A. Because every buck is dear to him.

Q. What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A. Crisp Cringle.

Q. What does Father Christmas write on his cards at Christmas?

Q. What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for
A. It was already wound up.

[Thanks to Paul Benoit]

December 4, 2006
Next Post date January 1, 2007
Friends and family, don't click until after you've received our Christmas card, or you'll spoil the fun!

Click Here For Answers to Christmas Crossword

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~Mary Ellen Chase

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

A Christmas gambol oft could cheer
The poor man's heart through half the year.
~Walter Scott

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart. ~Washington Irving

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times. ~Kate L. Bosher

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself. ~Francis C. Farley

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. ~W.T. Ellis

For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home. ~W.J. Ronald Tucker

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~Richard Lamm

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. ~Author unknown, attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby

Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself.
~Norman W. Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas"

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