20 Year's Hard Time

In a mere 2 days hubby and I will be celebrating 20 years of wedded bliss. The title of this blog is just a joke I couldn't resist. It really should have been Time Flies When You're Having Fun. Those little twin boys have graduated and are preparing for college, Buddha Boy has whiskers and Princess will be a teen in2 months! We are living in our dream house, we've done some world traveling and get to spend lots of time with friends and family. It is a story of success.

There have been a few bumps in the road but nothing too serious of which I am aware. I have no idea what is in store for the eighth day of the seventh month of this year. I pondered and pondered what I could do to surprise him- what type of gift might he like? The USB turntable sits unopened in its box from 2 Christmases ago. The remote control helicopter only serves to antagonize our 5 year old nephew who can't endure seeing it sit unused in its box week after week due to lack of batteries. He got the REI outfit for Father's Day and hasn't listened to the last few CD's I have given him. So probably a nice card and a good bottle of booze.

I know what he'd really like- a car cover for his Expedition or something practical. We're different that way. In fact we even had a conversation the other morning- a rare occurance in these harried days. He returned from dropping off Buddha Boy at summer school just as I was pulling out of the garage. He asked me to leave the garage door open so he could pull his truck inside. That reminded me that he didn't get that car cover he wanted for Father's Day, so I mentioned it. I couldn't leave it at that, and added that he didn't get his new mailbox either. That's when his face brightened and he blurted, "Hey- I was thinking- we could get that new mailbox to celebrate our anniversary!" A two in one kind of event. Wow- a new mailbox to celebrate 20 Year's Hard Time! I told him only if it came with the promise of a hand written love letter inside at the beginning of each month for the next year. He scrapped that plan in a hurry.

We can't go off on any romantic getaways right now with two college tuitions staring down the barrel at our bank account. It simply isn't feasable.I suggested upgrading our cell phones and purchasing dual iPhones so we could picture text, but he pooh poohed that, so I went ahead and bought the one he promised me for my birthday back in January. I'd settle for watching The Notebook and ordering in. Though we don't have any soccer practice obligations, Computer Boy has to work and Buddha Boy attends a Bible Study that evening.

I'd love to splurge on a night at the Ritz Carlton in Laguna Niguel over the weekend, but I can't make that happen at this time. Besides, we have a more comfortable mattress right here at home, and flowers from Gelson's in our entry way. Our home is lovely because we both work hard to make it that way. We often put it to good use entertaining friends and family. He makes the ribs and fruit salad and I make the pasta and greens. I do the dishes and he does the laundry.

So how did Harry meet Sally anyway? We met on a blind date. I was nearly certain that I would die a spinster after my previous beau had dumped me when I moved an hour away to attend CSUN. He told me I was G.U.D. or Geographically Undesirable. Broke my heart, and I didn't date for a loooooooong time. I was thin and tan with a good haircut and cute clothes and worked at a hip restaurant and attended college and went out to the Red Onion (feel old if you remember that place!) but I couldn't meet anyone I was interested in. My coworker, Cathy, kept on mentioning that "Tom" and I would make such a cute couple. On and on she went. She told me she went to High School with him and that he was so nice and we'd be perfect for each other yada yada yada. I wanted specifics such as what did he look like? What were his interests? She refused to tell me.

I was pretty lonely and figured I had nothing to lose by talking to him on the phone, so I gave her permission to give him my phone number after about a year of flip flopping. A few days later he called and left a message. We played phone tag for a bit but finally got to talk to one another. We ended up talking for about 2 hours. Thank God it was a local call! I remember thinking that if he were half as nice in person as he was on the phone it might be a nice date. We arranged a date for the next week and one date led to another and here we are 20 years married. He is a good man and I'm not just talking about his looks-heh heh heh. He takes good care of his family and works extra hard to provide us with all of the finer things in life. He devotes what little free time he has to community services such as the Neighborhood Council and AYSO coaching and reffing. In fact, I have a bit of trouble keeping up with him at times. I don't know where he gets his energy. Must be all of those extra healthy meals I cook for him.

I am grateful for the first 20 years and am looking forward to the next 20 years. Happy anniversary Tom! Love Jewel.

Never Marry But For Love

William Penn (1644-1718)

Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely. He that minds a body and not a soul has not the better part of that relationship, and will consequently lack the noblest comfort of a married life.

Between a man and his wife nothing ought rule but love. As love ought to bring them together, so it is the best way to keep them well together.

A husband and wife that love one another show their children that they should do so too. Others visibly lose their authority in their families by their contempt of one another, and teach their children to be unnatural by their own examples.

Let not enjoyment lessen, but augment, affection; it being the basest of passions to like when we have not, what we slight when we possess.

Here it is we ought to search out our pleasure, where the field is large and full of variety, and of an enduring nature; sickness, poverty or disgrace being not able to shake it because it is not under the moving influences of worldly contingencies.

Nothing can be more entire and without reserve; nothing more zealous, affectionate and sincere; nothing more contented than such a couple, nor greater temporal felicity than to be one of them.

Why Marriage?

Author Unknown

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me...

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship...

Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...

Because of this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

Yes, I'll Marry You

Pam Ayres

Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
And here's the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it's creepy and it's late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It's you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbor
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It's you that has to whack him.

Yes, I'll marry you,
You're virile and you're lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It's you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I've got PMS it's you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

These I Can Promise

Author Unknown

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine;
I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold;
I cannot promise you an easy pathway
That leads away from change or growing old.

But I can promise all my heart's devotion;
A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow;
A love that's ever true and ever growing;
A hand to hold in yours through each tomorrow.

July 6, 2009
Next Post date: August 3, 2009
Happy 4th of July- Tom- Happy 20th Anniversary!


Happy Father's Day and Graduation

"Isn't twenty years 'a score'? But no one's keeping score."

"Live as long as you can. The first twenty years of a marriage are the longest half."

"God has it figured out. As you begin to look older, your spouse's vision begins to suffer."

"Twenty years is nothing! Wait until you are married to a grandparent!"

Marriage Advice

Jane Wells (1886)

Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
Please hand this down to your children and your children's children.

Blessing For A Marriage

James Dillet Freeman

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.

May you always need one another - not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces. May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!" and take no notice of small faults.

If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another's presence - no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities. May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!

Marriage Joins Two People In The Circle Of Its Love

Edmund O'Neill (b. 1929)

Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life's most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent or child.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love
each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

Geniuses of countless nations
Have told their love for generations
Till all their memorable phrases
Are common as goldenrod or daisies.
Their girls have glimmered like the moon,
Or shimmered like a summer moon,
Stood like a lily, fled like a fawn,
Now the sunset, now the dawn,
Here the princess in the tower
There the sweet forbidden flower.
Darling, when I look at you
Every aged phrase is new,
And there are moments when it seems
I've married one of Shakespeare's dreams.

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