Who You Know Vs. What You Know
As September is a crazy month, I was going to cheap out and simply share the letter writing exchange between Mercury Insurance and me regarding my March van accident, as those letters have already been written, and it would merely be a test of my typing skills to upload them, but somthing better came along that I was able to pilfer, instead of generate, this busy month. Too good not to be shared! It will give you a taste of what it's like to raise diametricaly opposed fraternal twin teens. Sometimes almost too fun!
Their English teacher thought it might be interesting to assign a "simple" little group video project of - get this- a Chaucer Canterbuy tale! No big deal-ee-oh, simply reinact a crass skit involving a group of 5 teens, vidoetape it, edit it, and burn it onto a DVD to be shared in class. Doesn't eveyone have video editing software at home and know how to use it? And oh, there's a whopping four day period to complete this task, never mind that birthdays, out-of-town Cross Country Meets, and soccer games cut into the time frame and never mind that these kids are not yet driving, and must depend on their parents to get them to and fro. Also, don't forget that French class has also assigned a video project due the same week, and your son's group was given the learning challenged classmate and instructed by the teacher not to stress him out. Just to add spice to the situation, your twin boys decide NOT to be in the same group.
Now Soccer Boy begged Computer Boy to be in his group as Computer Boy, well, is good with computers and video editing and all of that. But, Computer Boy, realizing that he and Soccer Boy have vastly different tastes in friends, and life in general, wanted to be in his own group and declined the invitation.
Soccer Boy's group met at our house on Friday and worked from 3PM to 6:30 PM and was able to film 90% of the skit. I had to lend Nigel my purple flowered skirt and belly dancer scarf smartly adorned with golden coins. Jeremy was commenting on his lack of a bust, but I wasn't about to let him borrow my, um, over the shoulder boulder holder and two oranges. Now if Soccer Boy was going to play the femme lead, I might have considered it, but not for Nigel. Too kinky even for me. Soccer Boy's group planned to do the final 10% of filming and editing on the following Monday, as they had no school that day. They had to shoot their skit out of sequence as one of the members could not make the Monday meeting.
Computer Boy's group convened at our house on Sunday, from 1:30 until 9:30!!!!! I had to hold off dinner as I had not planned on feeding an additional 6 teens! Hubby offered to buy them pizza but they declined! Even after all of that time, they still had to do the editing, so they planned to go to Francis' house on Monday, as he had the video editing software and knew how to use it well. Hubby and I both had to work on Monday, so hubby dropped off Computer Boy, and we had to trust Soccer Boy with his buddies unsupervised in our house for the day.
I come home from work at 4:30 and knew I had to cook dinner and pack 5 lunches and be out the door by 5:30 for Princess' soccer practice. I walked in the door and made a bee line for the kitchen, only to be implored by Soccer Boy to assist with their video editing. I told him that I just wasn't available dut to my time constraints, and asked him how he had planned to edit his video. I had assumed that one of his group members had some basic knowledge. Well, the plan was for Computer Boy to assist, but alas, he was not home- nor was he reachable by his cell as Francis lives in the hills and he had no cell service! And, we did not have the land line telephone. Bummer......
I was able to at least import the video onto the computer, and boot up the video editing software, but one of the group members, the one who wasn't present to edit, the one who did most of the filming on a camera much older than ours and not really compatible with our computer, had neglected to stop filming between the clips, and as I mentioned earlier, they were out of sequence and needed to be rearranged. Bummer... This was above my video editing capabilities. We'd just have to wait for computer Boy. And where was he anyway?!!! He was supposed to return home by noon and it was now 5:45 PM and I had no way of contacting him! I called his cell and left some scathing messages about calling home and giving me that land line number under penalty of death. Or something along those lines.
Now here is where I gotta hand it to Soccer Boy. He knows his twin well. And Computer Boy is nearly always IM'ing ( instant messaging) his pretty little chickadee who lives in Castaic. So Soccer Boy is resourceful enough to ask one of his buds for thier IM account, logs on, and contacts Computer Boy in cyberspace! They had a lovely little exchange, and Soccer Boy wasn't savvy enough to delete it from my computer. So there it was, in all its, uh, glory? heh heh heh. I got the luxury of reading it! And I am going to share it with y'all 'cause it was too funny. I had no idea they "spoke" (if you can call IM'ing speaking) to each other in that manner! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I only changed the names to protect the innocent...
Computer Boy: shut up the phone-_-
Computer Boy: this is 'Computer Boy'
Soccer Boy: finally
Computer Boy: I hate U
Soccer Boy: jesus ()&(&() christ
Soccer Boy: how do we get the camera hooked up to the comp
Computer Boy: if ur gonna be mean, i'll have james turn off his phone (fyi- Soccer Boy originally called another of computer Boy's group members in an attempt to hunt him down)
Computer Boy: with the cable
Computer Boy: idiot
Soccer Boy: and what do we have to do to switch scenes around
Computer Boy: omg (oh my God) u baka (Japanese for "idiot")
Soccer Boy: either way u will have to help us edit -stfu (shut the #@$* up)
Computer Boy: should i even bother?
Soccer Boy: and tell us wat (what) to do- people hav to go
Computer Boy: "sigh"
Soccer Boy: hurry up
Computer Boy: so u remember the cable i showed u?
Soccer Boy: yes I have it but it doesn't connect with the camera
Computer Boy: look for the small port on the camera...check
Soccer Boy: giv me a couple of seconds. the camera is not digital
Computer Boy: omg... I KNOW! is the tape the same as ours?
Soccer Boy: ok w8 up. i believe so- just w8 up- they r getting it
Soccer Boy: where is the port...cmon
Soccer Boy: stop watchin anime
Soccer Boy: !!!!
Computer Boy: it's under a small plastic covering. i'm not watching any @#$%^&* ANIME...be nice
Soccer Boy: wat frkn plastic
Computer Boy: ok, hold it in ur hand with the strap
Soccer Boy: k...then...
Computer Boy: look on the side ur hand isn't on
Soccer Boy: k
Computer Boy: it's on the camera's bottom left- like the size of a AA battery...on OUR camera
Soccer Boy" this is jers camera
Computerr Boy: o' my god I don't know what his @#$%^&* camera looks like
Computer boy: who do you think i am
Soccer Boy: i don't think they r the same w8 up let me check
Soccer boy: he doesn't even hat that #$$%^ port. is there another way????
Computer Boy: yeah, u grab a different cable that works
Soccer Boy: where in the #$%$ is our goddamn camera????
Computer Boy: my bed
Soccer Boy: jesus christ
Computer boy:or in mom and dad's room
Soccer Boy:dude our camera is !@#$#@#$ digital
Computer Boy: no, ours is both
Soccer Boy: how do u hook up a non digital camera to the computer? can we put a cassette in it
Computer boy: ...hmmmmm...computers=electronic=digital
Soccer Boy: in our camera?????
Computerr boy: do the math. u can put a cassette in ours if it fits
Soccer Boy: where do we put the tape
Computer Boy: careful or you'll break both of them
Soccer Boy: ok we got it. yes
Computer Boy: omg. ask jer if his camera takes 8mm tapes. cuz that's what our does
Soccer Boy: yes we got the tape in and i hooked ours to our computer but how can i get in imovie?
Computer Boy: open imovie. idiot. make sure the camera is on VCR
Soccer Boy: and then...huhh. vcr??
Computer Boy: it's on. look at it's power switch thingy. it's the only one that is before off
Soccer Boy: look i hav it hooked in imovie then says create a ew project...
Computer Boy: it's like vcr-->off-->record--> memory. make a new project. save it to the desktop
Soccer Boy: step by step no skipn steps. how do i save it
Computer Boy: i'm not skipping anything. OMG. apple + s. how can u not know that?!???!?
Soccer boy: the camera never even showed up on desktop !!!!!
Computer Boy: it won't. a tape is not digital
Soccer Boy: than wtf do I do
Computer Boy: turn on the camera
Soccer boy: do
Computer Boy: rewind the tape to where ur stuff begins
Soccer Boy: k 1 sec. k w8 up
Computer Boy: plug in the camera. open imovie. imovie should find the camera and then hit import
Soccer Boy: i did 1 sec. stop talkin
Computer Boy: u'll see what it's importing. and then it'll finish when nothing is left, or u hit stop. i really have to use the bathroom and ur pissing me off bbl (be back later)
Soccer Boy: bro? u bak yet??????????????
Soccer Boy: bro? r u here? omg plz respond
Soccer Boy: well ur helpin me later so i hope u r a fast editor who knows how to move scenes around and sound and letters. so c u tonight at 6:30. i hope ur redy to edit
Computer Boy: no. i shall not help one who can't be nice ><
Soccer Boy: i tried to b nice but ur not explaining to me in the correct way. and if u don't help u will hav a lot of enemies.
Soccer Boy: i'm sorry. i was mad i couldn't find anything. it is very frustrating
Computer boy: yeah. really nice
Soccer Boy: alright as i said bfor im sorry
Computer Boy: liar
Soccer Boy: but u will help and u will like it!!!!
Computer Boy: lol (laugh ut loud) no. i will do none of that
Soccer Boy: tell everyone to stop talkin for u. i know wat u talk like. el$e
Computer Boy: this is 'Computer Boy' you idiot. but they r watching
Soccer Boy: uh huh
Computer Boy: it's else. stupid. not el$e
Soccer Boy: i like the money sign betta
Computer Boy: idiot
Soccer Boy: really if u know wat u r doing how long does it take??? i can't wait to see how simple everything is. and feel stupid...i bet francis is laughing at our major stupidity. hmmm... i reely wonder how long it takes. weell anyways ill c u later bro!!!
Soccer Boy: wat do i do??? talk!!
Computer boy: why? it's so easy... if only it was on windows. i could just take control wirelessly
Computer Boy: ok. mom just showed us a little bit. now we have it on the comp wat 2 do now? how do we move clips around? sigh... respondizzle
Computer Boy: drag them
Soccer Boy: How? we only have one window
Computer Boy: do i really have to say more???? hi mom
Soccer Boy: stfu
Computer Boy: (mom) can u show them how?
Soccerr Boy: she's tryin
Computer Boy: i'm really really busy
Soccer Boy: sure
Computer Boy: and we have work to do here ><
Soccer Boy: u hav a pro editor how can u be reely busy. how do you divide the clips? respond
Computer Boy: u don't
Soccer Boy: ???
Computer Boy: they should already be divided
Soccer Boy: they r not
Computer Boy: unless u really screwed up -_-
Soccer Boy: they r all together
Computer Boy: "sigh"
Soccerr Boy: its all 1 clip
Computer boy: so u see 1 clip? ur screwed then
Soccer Boy: just 1 window
Computer Boy: i only do multiclip stuff. u mean 1 square?
Soccer Boy: yes
Computer Boy: "sigh" i'll see what i can do l8er
So I left poor Computer Boy home to struggle with the video editing, thinking that Computer Boy would be arriving home any second. Towards the end of my daughter's soccer practice, I call home to make sure Computer Boy has returned home, only to find out that he had not! I call Soccer Boy, and tell him that if he has any contact with Computer Boy, he had better tell Computer Boy to call me on my cell phone ASAP. He ffinally calls, tells me that Francis' parents' car broke down, and that I needed to pick him up. I had to drive so far North up into the hills that my ears popped. I finally picked him up at 8 PM and drove home. Thank the good Lord I had the good sense to prep that night's dinner the night before. It was quick turkey tacos all they way around. I launched into Soccer Boy for not having a decent editing plan, and then into Computer Boy for being unreachable. He could have called my cell from the house phone. And why couldn't anyone give him a lift home? He told me he asked one dad, who refused, because our house wasn't on his way home..So, it was hunky dory for his kid to be at our house for NINE hours, but he couldn't be inconvenienced 15 minutes to give my kid a ride home, hmpf. Anyway, he ended up having to download a trial version of QuickTime Pro, was able to import his brother's movie and convert it into an MPEG and then splice and edit it. He was up until 11:30 and saved the day for Soccer Boy's group. I thought it was a really good life lesson. We get hit with impossible demands, and the only way to pull through is by networking. The best part is that the teacher was absent the next day and didn't collect the videos!
1. What kind of music do ghosts like?
2. Why did the ghost take his family on an elevator ride every day?
3. What do ghosts do when they want to start up a computer?
4. How did the ghost do at the comedy club?
5. What do you call a website for ghosts?
6. What is Casper's favorite sticky treat?
7. Where do baby ghosts come from?
8. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
9. What would you get if you crossed a cocker spaniel, a French poodle, and a ghost?
10. Who protects the shores where spirits live?
11. What did the papa ghost say to his ghostly children?
12. What is a ghost's favorite direction?
13. Why couldn't the ghost ride the bus?
14. Why did the ghost rush home from school?
15. Why did the police officer arrest the ghost?
16. What do young ghosts call their moms and dads?
17. Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"?
18. Why are ghosts like newspaper?
Ghost Riddles Answers:
1. Rhythm and boos.
2. To raise their spirits.
3. They boo-t it up!
4. He was a dead-knockout.
5. Bahoo or Yaboo!
6. Boo-ble gum.
7. Boo Genes.
8. To get a booster shot.
9. A cocker-poodle-boo!
10. The Ghost Guard.
11. Fasten your sheet belt.
13. Because he didn't have exact chains.
14. To watch an afterghoul special on TV.
15. Because he didn't have a haunting license.
17. In noisery school.
18. Because they appear in sheets.
Words of Wisdom
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears this
There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
A day without sunshine is like night.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask
you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes it comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.
I smile because I am your friend! I laugh because there is nothing you can
do about it.
And- doesn't anyone know a J. Davis who lost an iPod? email Jewel if you do. See the July 07 archive.
Songs on J. Davis' iPod:
No one even dared to guess!
1. Angie- Rolling Stones
2. Anything For Your Love- Eric Clapton
3. Bad Love- Eric Clapton
4. Beast of Burden- Rolling Stones
5. Brown Sugar- Rolling Stones
6. Cocaine- Eric Clapton
7. Emotional Rescue- Eric Clapton
8. Fool to Cry- Rolling Stones
9. It's Only Rock and Roll- Rolling Stones
10. Miss You- rolling Stones
11. Next Time You See Her- Eric Clapton
12. No Alibis- eric Clapton
13. Pretending- Eric Clapton
14. Respectable- Rolling Stones
15. Running on Faith- Eric Clapton
16. Start Me Up- Rolling Stones
17. We're All the Way- Eric Clapton
18. Wild Horses- Rolling Stones
19. Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
Click here to download the QuickTime Player if you don't have it. Remember, if you have dial up, the movie will take a few minutes to load!
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